I type this smoking probably (and hopefully) the last few sticks of cigs I will ever smoke in this lifetime.
Strange that the idea of quitting a habit as unhealthy of smoking hit me recently. Granted, most people would plan and pain themselves considering how and when to quit. I figured that in the spirit breaking such a habit, it would be best to do it abruptly, if not out on a whim. That's just my style I guess.
No matter what the motivation behind such an idea would be, the fact of the matter is doing kicking a habits is a means to an end. Habits are nice, sometimes they can identify us, differentiate us, and even endear us to certain people. I doubt however, that the habit of smoking falls under such a category.
Granted, the biggest obstacle is perhaps psychological. I've embedded it into my head that smoking stimulates my mind and imagination, perhaps as a switch of sorts to turn stimulate my writing.... but really, looking at it now, I seem to have used that only as an excuse to prolong my addiction to nicotine. No more.
There's something to be said about habits and how it affects us. We use habits as a means to put ourselves in a place of comfort, a zone of certainty wherein we are the masters and we know exactly how things will turn out. Habits can be good or bad, that much is true. However habits should never define us. People might remember us because of certain quirks and habits, but I daresay that such things are never truly part of our inherent nature. After all, to be human is to realize our flaws, our quirks, and to the ability to chose to keep them, encourage them, or to do away with them entirely.
Going cold turkey is never easy. In fact the odds of succeeding seem very minimal given the statistics of quitting smokers. But all things must come to an end. My only motivation is that this was a choice made selfishly. Not for anyone and not for anything but myself. Perhaps I will succeed, eventually, or fail, but will surely try again. Still, the idea of deciding on something easily without contemplation gives me a good feeling. In the grander scheme of things, this isn't just about preservation of health, but a challenge of the mind. An inner-struggle to prove that I am not bound by habits and that I have control over my self.
It all sounds oh so melodramatic, but it doesn't have to be. As I see it, inner-struggle is an everyday thing, we all act normal and go on about our usual days, but in reality, each and every person battles conflicts within themselves. The surface may seem all calm and serene, but underneath lies a maelstrom of reason, emotions and inklings. Sometimes we may not even be aware of our own battles with ourselves.
While this started out as narcissistic blabber on my decision to kick the habit of smoking, it eventually, and expectedly shifted to narcissistic psycho-babble about man's nature and the conflict within, all the while stubbing out a stick not even half-way through.... I suppose I'm off to a good start.
But it'll be a cold day in hell before I think about quitting coffee though.