Thursday, July 31, 2008

Great Expectations

The problem with a the whole charade that is dating and courtship is that there is a definite beginning and a definite end. We like someone, we ask them out, get to know them and pop the question. Sounds easy enough, but chances are majority of such pursuits have resulted in pain, anguish and heartbreak (even if he or she said yes).

While it is entirely possible that there is life after the end of ritual dating between two individuals, or a possibility of a second, third even fourth chance, the flow is still the same. Perhaps thinking too much over the sequence of this overly complicated process is what makes it so difficult. We usually come in with great expectations, positive thinking and the like, only to have our still-beating hearts thorn out in front of us and eviscerated to bloody little pieces.

"Like-liking" someone usually leads to love or cowardice. You either go for it or sit back wallowing as opportunities pass by leaving you with nothing but a fistful of regret. Even if you did muster enough courage to test the waters, the beach at the other end may not be what you expect it to be. However, one must ask, is it quite possible to simply enjoy the swim and not worry about getting through to the other side of the river of relationships and even accept staying there forever? If only we could be that naive and blind.

It may seem half-hearted if not guarded, but really, such a mindset would allow one to actually enjoy the company of the intended mark without hoping for a "yes" or an "i love you". Expectations are all good and well, but more often than not they lead us to think that a certain action or deed equals something similar. You give her flowers or treat her to dinner equals you getting lucky. Either that or you try to entice your friends to drag him along so you can have an excuse to chat. That's not how it works with people with free will. Sure you could always woo and seduce but they work differently with different people. The best we can do is to make our intentions known and hope for the best. Now you know how God feels trying to win you over and doing nothing about it because he gave you free will.

The game of love is fickle, whimsical and, if you'll excuse my language, a vapid bitch. No matter how much of a nice guy you are (and usually being called one is a death sentence or at the very least a lifetime membership to the friend zone), that doesn't necessarily mean the other person is obligated to reciprocate or be grateful.

Expect the worst, hope for the best. Make a good impression if you must but don't ever think that helps, unless one is fine having the prospective partner simply agreeing to the relationship on some ludicrous sense of gratitude. By then he or she isn't doing both of you any favors. If one truly wants the real thing, present your case and be done with it. After all, what is heartbreak but a momentary event of pain?

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