Friday, June 26, 2009

Smile More

And now, for something a wee bit personal...

People who know me well enough know that I've only been in two relationships, one with my high school sweetheart and the other with a former co-worker. I'd rather not get into the details in order to protect both their privacy. Suffice to say, I'm still good friends with my first ex (that would be the high school sweetheart one. Keep up will you). No, it's not holding on just so we could get back together, that ship has sailed and we grew into different people who probably wouldn't fall in love the way we did back in high school. Right now however, she is one of my most trusted confidantes because I don't have to worry about being judged, we've been through so much that I believe she has a good idea as to who or what I am.

In a rare opportunity to actually talk heart to heart with her, she made this complaint about my current attitude (although what's so current about it? I've always been like this). i.e. my cynical outlook, my anti-social tendencies and the fact that I'm just one big Negative Nancy. Can you blame me? Every time I try to see the glass as half-full I am reminded by someone that it's just a friggin' glass of water, nothing more. Not a clever metaphor to describe on what end of the the pscyho-philo-whatever spectrum you're at. So her wish for me was to simply smile more.

But like I've always said, behind every smile is a story. Lately there isn't story that's worth telling with a smile (cue /wrist). This is the part where she vehemently chastises me for being negative again. I could promise myself to be more positive towards things and people and situations. But that would be a lie. What is needed here is genuine change not something held up by a promise but by a sincere willingness to change.

Yes I will still heed her advice. Yes I will try a hint of positivity. No, there will still be no hugging. But it's not an overnight thing. Also it's not a complete overhaul, just a few minor adjustments. So here's hoping that I get to actually smile more. I just hope and pray that you (you know who you are, ok maybe not) will be a big part of it.

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