Saturday, May 3, 2008


We've all experienced times when we, after an activity or long day at work, are forced to go into a auto pilot state. Of course, the state is hardly without brain activity, as the time spent on this long arduous trips back to our place of dwelling is reserved to more introspective matters. This commute is reserved, rather, for internalizing a million questions in our mind, wondering how this day, or the events prior to it, could've gone another way.

Once alighting your vehicle of choice, the outside world seems to hardly matter. The wonders of the human brain comes into play, despite an absence of focus, we manage to find our way home, whether driving or taking numerous stops via public transportation. Some may claim this time to be therapeutic, and it truly is.

We finds ourselves asking questions that we fear to ask another person, simply because the notion of vulnerability this implies scares us more than any we can imagine. The truth, the most honest to goodness facts are there, ripe for picking. While a few close confidants may know or have an idea of such, they will remain a closely guarded secret. As for how long, that, to be quite honest, is relative.

Was it something you said? Did you do the right thing? Should you have waited or did you wait too long? Should you have said the truth? Maybe it would be better if you lied back there? Would it better to just forget it? Is this something you will regret? Is this what you really want? Were you being stupid? Do you really love her? Does she even feel the same way? What does this mean to you? How will this affect you? Can you even go through with it? Does she know? Do they know? Think you can trust her? Can you trust them? Why are you even asking yourself this questions? Will you even find the answers? When the time comes, can you really say that you will do the right thing, or falter in the end like you've always have?

More often than not such questions have no answers, thrown into the winds of the mind, floating, never finding reprieve. While being plagued with such questions are maddening, it only lasts for the duration of the trip. What seems like countless hours was actually only a few minutes, and then it's over.

You find yourself empty, filled with uncertainties and nothing more. While this may constitute as self-inflicted torture to some, the mere act of asking them, even internally, is a form of release. Because as each question is left lingering and unresolved, you realize that in those few short moments, you confided in the best person in that situation: You.

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